Enough about the trail, on-on to the circle, where we had another round of new Hash Namings! First off there was those two “wild and craaazy guys” from eastern Europe: Just Jakob and Just Nikola! Here they are in Hawaiian shirts. Notice the green bottles they’re drinking; what is that, Heineken? Czechvar? You and your imported pilseners… just for that they shall now be known as Check My Small Cockia and Eastern Cock Block! Then we had Just Kessyn who also had a pre-cooked name. Don’t ask me how or why, but he shall forever be known as Pusti Malaka (sp?), which means faggot masturbator in Greek, of course. Next up was Just Kristen, for whom we had a flurry of names: Tightens When Wet, 30-year-old Boobs, Cums With Camo… but the theme of cold and wet stuck, and we finally settled on Shiver Me Nipples! Also, a bonus: we got to name her dog Camo Toe. Last but not least we had Just Juan, who’s been running with us every so often since the earliest days of the VooDoo. And he still isn’t named, can you imagine that? We pulled this sinner into the circle and had his girlfriend Haf-Wax tells us all his most embarrassing stories, which involved urine way too often, for one thing (and yes, Wee-Blow Master’s camera just happened to catch him in the background “adjusting” himself). We had some great suggestions bounced around, like Polly Pissy Pants or Wet Dreams, and the final winner was Nocturnal Pisscharge! Congrats to all the newly baptised hashers!

Whew, that was a lot of work, all that naming! I think it’s time for a cold beer…

On-On,
Lack-a-Virgin, Hey!

P.S. When you sausages get named, don’t forget to change your name on HashSpace, and if you’re not on HashSpace, give someone your email and they’ll shoot you an invite. Also, give Pastor Bait-Her your email if you want him to change how your name appears on the weekly Evite.

P.P.S. Tomorrow while you wankers are hashing I’ll be northbound on I-85 somewhere. Y’all had better look me up if you’re ever around Boston. It’s been real, and I hope to come see you all again real soon!

My name is Jack (nah nah-nah nah-nah nah-nah)
I’m a Necrophiliac (nah nah-nah nah-nah nah-nah)
I fuck dead women (nah nah-nah nah-nah nah-nah)
And I fill ‘em full of jism (nah nah-nah nah-nah nah-nah)
I get frustrated (nah nah-nah nah-nah nah-nah)
When they’re cremated (nah nah-nah nah-nah nah-nah)
‘Cause try as you must (nah nah-nah nah-nah nah-nah)
You can’t fuck dust!

So there you go – don’t say I never do anything for you.

Hares: Licks ‘Em Young  and Just Jarvis (Virgin Lay!)
When: October 29th, 6:30 pm
Where: Rosedale Dr. and City Park Ave. Park on City Park Ave. – not in Delgado’s parking lot.
Theme: Halloween / Zombie / Necrophilia
Phone: 504.251.8320

As always, the hash costs $1 and a six pack. If you don’t bring beer, we’ll look at you funny, and reluctantly accept $6 instead. If you don’t bring a flashlight and a whistle, well, it’s Halloween week. Nobody will find you for a while.

Man, just when you thought you’d caught your breath from the non-stop onslaught that was Red Dress Week, here comes Hashoween!* Here’s a quick run-through of what’s going on:

Thursday Oct. 29th: Cemetery Hash!

Hares: Licks ‘Em Young and Just Jarvis. Regular hash “rules” ($1 + 6-pack). Meet at Rosedale Dr. and City Park Avenue at 6:30, hares off at 7.  Park on City Park Ave. – not in Delgado’s parking lot.

Saturday Oct. 31st (Halloween): 2nd Anal Costume Pub Crawl

“Hared” by Tidy Bowl Man, Montana Boy Toy and Just Kim. Meet up at Molly’s at the Market at 5. This isn’t so much a hash, as a parade. A GODDAMNED PARADE IN OCTOBER! Do we need a reason? Hell No! NOH3 will be there, and accepting $5 for keg-on-wheels access. Make sure you bring plenty of cash for the planned and unplanned barstops. Remember: No Coolers, No Snack Kitty, No Beertruck to store your crap! No money collected – so no bitching! This is a costumed parade! Tidy Bowl says he might have an award for Best Costume.

Sunday Nov. 1st (Dia de los Muertos): 2nd Anal Black Dress Run!

Hared by Pastor Bait-Her and Tidy Bowl Man. Meet up at 3pm at the neutral ground at Elysian Fields and Chartres – right by the Old New Orleans Rum building (formerly the Schoen FUNeral Home!). Usual hash “rules” ($1, 6-pack), and YOU MUST WEAR A BLACK DRESS! This ain’t no blue tank top run or a comfy sweater run, it’s the VooDoo’s damned Black Dress Run! I will make one exception though – if you haven’t gone home and are still wearing your costume from Halloween night, I will allow that. That is all!

 
More details to be posted as the events draw closer – this is just more of a heads-up all in one convenient location. Aren’t I just so gorram nice?

*Note: this isn’t an organized, RDR-sized monster event. I just felt like making a graphic, so hurry up and make with the biting of me.

This week’s hash (i.e. TOMORROW!) will be hared by at least Pastor Bait-Her, and if we’re lucky, his co-hare will be the newly named Licks ‘Em Young – a virgin lay – if he ever calls the good pastor back.

Anywhoo, it’s a bit late for a theme, but it looks like we’ll be in for some thunderstorms, so put on your jimmy hat and stay dry!

Hares: Pastor Bait-Her and Licks ‘Em Young (maybe, virgin lay!)
When: August 20th, 6:30 pm
Where: Morial’s Balls ( Convention Center Blvd near Diamond St. )
Theme: Thunderstorms! (wait, that’s the weather forecast)
Phone: 504.251.8320

As usual, all should bring $1, a six-pack, a whistle, and a WATERPROOF flashlight.

A towel and a change of clothes in the car wouldn’t be a bad idea.  After all, to know where one’s towel is to be in control of one’s own life.

I, your friendly-ish local Pastor Bait-Her showed up a little before 6:30, and couldn’t believe my oh-so-beautiful eyes – early hashers! About 6 or 7 of them, all using NOST (New Orleans Substandard Time)!

I know that we’re usually a little late to start in general, but 7:00 rolled around and we had amassed a group of about 50 soon-to-be drunkards. The only problem was that we had no hares. They finally showed up, but much to my chagrin, they had no beer hare. Poor, poor Pastor.

Well, I rounded everyone up and gave our virgins – about 10 of them! – the chalk talk, and sent everyone on their way. Our relentless and mostly Zodiac-theme hounds seemed to find the beer stop without issue and the drinking resumed, fueled in part by the champagne and what may have been some sort of evil punch provided by one of our hares, Hobo Rodeo.

I didn’t actually have the punch but I do know that suspiciously shortly after it was presented, Tighter Twat joined Tidy Bowl Man and myself in the beer truck for the 2nd half of trail. Maybe it was the punch, maybe he’s just a pussy.

Maybe both, but we’ll never really know.

Well, the hounds made it to the ON-IN across the street from the Rouses on Carrollton without incident or stitches (*ahem* Just Tara). With everyone in, I started up the large but relatively well-behaved circle.

Circle was fun, but unfortunately lacked sufficient beer, so I had to cut it short(er), like I’ll try to do with the rest of this trash.

It took about an hour to introduce all the 2 million new boots (ok, closer to 10), we made the hares Hobo Rodeo and Whole Lotta Cum drink from someone’s costume accessory (a bucket at each end of a pole),  Dickie Wongstockings and a New Boot drank using the Sleeves Of Justice (twice!), and we baked Hobo Rodeo a cake using I’d say close to three pounds of flour and a whole Newcastle.

Perhaps most importantly, we brought Just Jorge, Just Erin, Just Kristen, Just Drew, and Just Tara into the circle. After a lengthy discussion, we brought them back, keeping Just Jorge and Just Drew and baptised them.

So from now on, Just Jorge is to be called Licks ‘Em Young:

And Just Drew is Two in the Mouth, Five in the Hole:

We have some good stuff for the others, who I am sure will be named soon. Like I said, we ran out of beer.

And I would have pushed for a name for Just Tara, but it didn’t feel right without Fill Me Up there. You see, on her virgin hash, Just Tara had a little run-in with a fence and had to get about 7 stitches in her shin. At the Red Dress, Fill Me Up insisted that she wait until the hash on Thursday, so she could take them out herself in circle.

The problem is, Fill Me Up was in Florida last night. Bad Fill Me Up, Bad!