As for the hash virgins, one couldn’t handle it, and quit before anyone finished, a second virgin came late. One of the needle dick virgins managed to cut a hole in the slip n slide at beer near. The others fucked through mud, like champions, without protection for about 3 miles. Seriously, I can’t believe no one called me out for not making sure the virgins had proper boots for what they were about to endure. The trail ran through shitty park. Hashers were running into each other, and were lost in the woods until they found the jello shots hidden, on trail, on one of the few hills in New Orleans.

With all the cherry popping going on last night, I’d like to remind everyone of the Voodoo Song Book. If you want more songs, feel free to use the Googles.

Next week’s run is going to be uptown, hared by Veteran DickieWong Stockings, and virgin hare Texticle Teaser! Get your asses out there!

Finally a special shout out goes out to Bumbletard, who managed to get his car stuck in the mud, and A Little Prick for opening a tab at Parlay’s after the On-In.

On-On,
Everything Butt Sex.

High above the virgin’s garter
High above her knee
Lies the secret of her honorHer virginityRoll her over, oh so softlyGently in the grass.This is what we live and die for,Piece of virgin ass.

So drink it down, down, down . . .

WE’VE GOT VIRGINS
Melody – Frere Jacques

We’ve got virgins,
We’ve got virgins,
At our hash,
At our hash,
Gonna get’em drunked up,
Gonna get’em fucked up,
Down the hatch,
Up the ass,

So drink it down, down, down . . .

Flash forward to April Fool’s day, Indicksion (that dead hare bitch) was caught pre-laying trail and being an over achieving bastard by running extra laps around Audubon park at the beer near while everyone else was consuming alcohol. For an April fool’s prank, all the harriers and harrierettes piled into a couple of trucks at the beer near and rode back to the On-In and continued drinking and singing hash songs. Meanwhile, back on trial, Indicksion and Dickie WongStockings ran a couple of miles laying flour for no one to follow.

Then circle happened. Who knew so many virgins lived in Marrero? I being cereal bra. Why would Cold Wet Douche bring new shiny boots? I realize you need to add flavor to bud light, but there has to be a better way. Who could have guessed Pick Up Fuck would cum late again? At least this time she wasn’t caught, on her knees, with her mouth inside Grandpa’s feet’s underwear…AGAIN. I’m going to have to remember that necklace hiding trick he has. Most importantly, we named our longest running “Just” in the hash. Hench forth, Just Kim will now be known as Shitty Titty Gang Bang and Just Barbie will now be known as UnderCummer.

NEXT WEEK – We have a special hasher visiting the city. See you wankers on Thursday. ON-ON,
Everything Butt Sex

Here is a link to the songs passed out last week. Also, check out the Voodoo SongBook

tl;dr pastor udderly married, hashers skipped trail for April fool’s; pick up fuck cums late, but often; douche drinks from his shoes; 4 namings – Shitty Titty Gang Bang, UnderCummer, Pump me Brewster, Urine Jail; visiting hasher.

I’m not going to talk about our little prison bitch, or our Black Metal Bretheren™ in the next campsite, but instead just introduce you to the Campout Class of 2010: (in order of naming)

Just Dominic – Shit Candy

Just Sara – Pickup Fuck

Just Jeff – Jefferson Starfish, Just Jason – Game Ovary, Just Marcelle – 8 Lays a Week

Just Mike – Cold Wet Douche

Just Darren – Top Queer

Well done, VooDoo, well done. I can’t wait ’till next year, when we’ll hopefully be somewhere that we don’t have to pipe down after 10pm.

‘La Virgina’ Just Sarah and the ‘more-experienced’ Mr. Dickie Wongstockings laid a somewhat visible trail through the CBD and FQ, only having lost THREE people by the end of Circle.  Since I.M.E. has already been named, this incident must later be noted for the namings of Just Carl and Just Jason (whose New Year’s Resolution to start showing up to the Hash on time was considered an EPIC FAIL since he only met us at the Beer Stop).

Also suspiciously absent from the Trail were late-cumming Wanker and Wankette Just Kim and Montana Boy Toy, who I suspect would have been there if they hadn’t embarked on a ‘Paleo-Diet’ just four days prior.  This makes sense if you think about it (or ask MBT.  He’s all about the details).  At least they brought their own beer (cups).  Moving on, Circle was a brief affair in which attendees and the angry (yet secretly longing to be with us) tour group behind us in Jackson Square were privy to the viewing of Cock-a-Booty Boo’s Sports Bra.  This would set a trend for the rest of the evening, after (nearly) the entirety of the evening’s frozen Hashcicles proceeded to stage a HOSTILE TAKEOVER (okay, maybe not so hostile) of Rotolo’s in the FQ.  Once there, Everything Butt Sex’s ‘Vaginas Are Awesome‘ shirt (talk about being the Village Bicycle) made its way through yet ANOTHER round of sweaty, beer-and-wine-soaked Hashers, in which we all finally got to see Chum Dumpster’s BODACIOUS TA-TAS (or for those of you who didn’t black out during the post-RDR pool party, the second time).  Apparently there was an On-After-After at Lick-A-Lotta Cock’s house, but for those still mesmerized by the sight of Chum’s TA-TA’s, there was nothing left to do but go home for the night.

Next week’s Hares will be Tidy Bowl Man (who, apparently, STILL KNOWS NUZZING!) and Puppy Love Machine, who had BETTER not fuck up. Again.  Just sayin’.

On-On!

Hobo Rodeo

And a note from Everything Butt Sex:

 

 
You can tell by picture B that it is a pretty even split by both men and women are fans of how Vaginas are awesome. I’m OK with this, but picture A is disturbing. It clearly shows that only 17% of the interactions that show how Vaginas are awesome are done by men. Do everything you can to improve that statistic today!

Joining them was Cock a Booty Boo,
who recently given Everything Butt Sex the flu,
Lick a Lotta Cock showed up with steaks and champagne,
Until then, the pre-lube, had been midly tame.

We finally ventured on to the neutral ground of Miss Mae’s,
Where we found Lick A lotta Cock hashing with her tits on display.
She also wore black leather boots to the hash,
Pretty sure she was short a six pack and one dollar in cash.

TidyBowlMan was the sole hare,
Did I mention Lick A Lotta Cock’s tits were bare?
We did chalk talk, told dirty jokes, and a whistle started to race,
The ground was slippery and a couple of people fell on their face.
Slam Bam was accused of boy scouting on trail,
Turns out it was dark which lead to an epic fail,
You see, he thought the fallen hasher on all fours was a lamb.
Instantly a harriette was in a jam.
This was evident by the wet spot on Booty boo’s back
and the satisfied grin Slam Bam had after he stood up and adjusted his sack.

We talked about penis size vs vagina depth at the beer near,
A couple of the harriers braved the conversation with no fear.
About a third of the hash pee’d on trail,
This happens when everyone brings light beer instead of a good ale.

Onward to On-in we dashed
Circle and goodies was hosted by Kiss My Trash.

One at a time we left the site.
Twas a good hash and all had a good night.

- Everything Butt Sex

This weeks circle started out as #96 did – with our 3 hares ( Indickcision, Penis Fly Crap, Just Dave (who was caught!) ) sitting on ice, so I won’t go on and on about the quality of last night’s trail.

But the circle. Ohh, the circle ladies and gents. Apparently the hares didn’t feel that the trail was bad enough, so they decided to pick a lousy ON-IN. They decided to cram ~50 in a teeny tiny little wedge of Earth between 9th and Harmony just off Magazine St, where the New Orleanians with the smallest sense of humor live.

So, we moved to a hare-recommended location, the Redezvous around the corner. FAIL.

I ended up just standing atop a fire hydrant and closing out the “circle”, and we headed back to Parasol’s with our coolers. I guess we never should have left the “A”.

And, we had some distinguished an naughty special guests – hashers from West Palm Beach who came to NOLA simply to eat and drink. If you didn’t know, they were in the news recently:

 
Oh! We also had two namings!

Just Jon, now known as “Spermin’ for Germans”

 
Just Dave (the disastrous hare), now known as “Puppy Love Machine”

 
Let’s just hope that next week’s hares have their shit together.

ON-ON,
Pastor Bait-Her

Enough about the trail, on-on to the circle, where we had another round of new Hash Namings! First off there was those two “wild and craaazy guys” from eastern Europe: Just Jakob and Just Nikola! Here they are in Hawaiian shirts. Notice the green bottles they’re drinking; what is that, Heineken? Czechvar? You and your imported pilseners… just for that they shall now be known as Check My Small Cockia and Eastern Cock Block! Then we had Just Kessyn who also had a pre-cooked name. Don’t ask me how or why, but he shall forever be known as Pusti Malaka (sp?), which means faggot masturbator in Greek, of course. Next up was Just Kristen, for whom we had a flurry of names: Tightens When Wet, 30-year-old Boobs, Cums With Camo… but the theme of cold and wet stuck, and we finally settled on Shiver Me Nipples! Also, a bonus: we got to name her dog Camo Toe. Last but not least we had Just Juan, who’s been running with us every so often since the earliest days of the VooDoo. And he still isn’t named, can you imagine that? We pulled this sinner into the circle and had his girlfriend Haf-Wax tells us all his most embarrassing stories, which involved urine way too often, for one thing (and yes, Wee-Blow Master’s camera just happened to catch him in the background “adjusting” himself). We had some great suggestions bounced around, like Polly Pissy Pants or Wet Dreams, and the final winner was Nocturnal Pisscharge! Congrats to all the newly baptised hashers!

Whew, that was a lot of work, all that naming! I think it’s time for a cold beer…

On-On,
Lack-a-Virgin, Hey!

P.S. When you sausages get named, don’t forget to change your name on HashSpace, and if you’re not on HashSpace, give someone your email and they’ll shoot you an invite. Also, give Pastor Bait-Her your email if you want him to change how your name appears on the weekly Evite.

P.P.S. Tomorrow while you wankers are hashing I’ll be northbound on I-85 somewhere. Y’all had better look me up if you’re ever around Boston. It’s been real, and I hope to come see you all again real soon!

Our numbers have been growing – gone are the days of the regular 12 or even 20 person circle. We’re averaging 40 to 50 hashers every week, and yesterday, we blew that away – we had 85 hashers with us last night!

And while my voice this morning has gone to hell today from yelling at you chickens last night, I do have to thank you for be such a large and relatively well-behaved bunch – it made my job much easier.

For those of you who didn’t hear or weren’t there, I wrote a pledge of allegiance for the VooDoo that you all should learn. And yes, there will be a quiz later. Now puts your beers over your hearts, and say with me:

I pledge Allegiance to the flag
of the drunken hashers if VooDoo
and to the kennel, which barely stands,
one hare, ON-ON, with beer and shiggy for all.

ON-ON,
Pastor Bait-Her

The trail was through the area of good ol’ Jefferson Parish by the river, criss-crossing train tracks and passing under highways and byways and dipping through ditches and some shiggerific overgrowth. I don’t know about you, but I was ankle-deep in mud in a few places. Well done to our THREE HARES. Seriously, who needs three hares to lay a trail? And with three hares, surely you don’t need a 10-minute head start. They laid enough YBFs and false trails to make even a cheetah exhausted. I’m serious. A fucking cheetah.

We had FOUR NEW VIRGINS today. We only would’ve needed one more to make a gangbang. But I guess foursomes are cool, too. So we introduced ourselves to them, and they to us, and we asked them who made them cum to the hash. One of them even said no one made him cum – he wanted to come! We encourage this kind of enthusiasm here at the VooDoo HHH. Our ultimate goal is to foster an environment in which orgies can grow and thrive. It’s like a, grassroots community thing. Good for the kids.

We had a slew of accusations tonight! I think there were about ten people in the circle, and that was even before Wee-Blow called in the hares for screwing up chalk talk. Sinners walk among us.

To wrap things up, we had some awards – a few VooDoo candles* and a couple of necklaces**.  Then we had some announcements – upcoming hares are booked through October, Erectiaphobic and I were voluntold to be the hares on Oct. 22nd, Fill Me Up is having a birthday bash, and the Deutsches Haus is holding Oktoberfest for the next 4 weekends. Plus, THE 100TH VOODOO HASH IS GOING DOWN NEXT WEEK! Be there, and don’t forget the social next Friday, too!  All that and more will be dutifully posted on the calendar.

Oh, and they made me dance like a zombified Michael Jackson for the umpteenth time. Assholes.

On-On,
Lack-a-Virgin, Hey!

 
*Mexican candles
**NOT pearl necklaces… unfortunately

What can we say? 2 in the Mouth, 5 in the Hole’s (2Mo5Ho) first trail was about what one would expect from a virgin lay. Couple that with Queef Meter as a co-hare (who has only hared once, and that was with Missionary Impossible) and there’s no need to get into specifics.

In fact, all I’ll say is that for the ENTIRE circle, I had each of them sit on a bag of ice, bare-assed. Unfortunately, since things were so messed up, I had to run what could have been the world’s shortest circle. Hopefully, it’ll still learn ‘em good.

I don’t really have much else to say except that we a a lone visitor, a bunch of new boots, and some still-wet-behind-the-ears hashers. Glad y’all could make it, hope to see ya soon.

On On,
Pastor.