#148 – Hashmas in July

What does TidyBowlMan want for Christmas? Two virgins at the same time! Hopefully one of these inexperienced chestnuts won’t just lay back all night and make Tidy do all the work.

On top of the usual 6 pack and $1, the hares want everyone to bring a gift for a white elephant game. Anything from alcohol to anal beads should suffice for the hash. Fuck, we’ll even enjoy one of those joke calendars from Spencer’s. Can we end the hash at Mr. Binky’s for the 1% who doesn’t bring a gift? I heard 8 lays a week is in the market for a dildo. If not, let’s just hope for this Hashmas, we don’t get a shitty fucking trail.

On-On,
Everything Butt Sex

You better watch out,
You better not cry,
You better not pout, I’m telling you why,
Santa Claus is dead.

Theme: Christmas in July.
Hares: TidyBowlMan, Bumbletard (Virgin Lay!), Just Aaron (Virgin Lay!)
Start: Napa Auto Parts, 500 Shrewsbury Rd Jefferson, LA 70121-3530
Time: 6:30 show / 7:00pm GO!

Bring $1, a six pack, a flashlight, and a whistle. If you’re a putz and don’t bring beer then why are you even coming? If you don’t bring beer, then you pay $10 and you GET NO BEER!

Tags: Bumbletard, Christmas in July, Hashmas, Jefferson, Just Aaron, TidyBowlMan, White Elephant

#147 – Happy Birthday! Fuck You!

Babyfacial is turning 39, Lick A Lotta Cock is turning 31 and I, Butt Sex, I’m turning 29. We all made goals to hit before next year. Licka wants a new dildo she can keep to herself this time. Baby is hoping he can look down and finally see a pubic hair, and I’m probably going to finally try and stick it in that other hole for once.

All these goals might be asking to much of us.  Quite frankly, we don’t give a fuck. It’s our day, and we’re leading you wanking sausages through Lakeview. We’re changing shit up. The first part of trail is one mile. We don’t have any god damn checks, shitty whichys, fucking YBFs or even a beautiful beer near.

We know what you’re thinking. Holy wanking day batman! No beer near? That is sacrilegious! How can we have a hash without a beer near? Well hashers we’re upgrading the beer near to a pool near! Leave the electronics and wallets at home. This week’s theme requires a bathing suit or a birthday suit! Either way kiddos, it’s our birthday and we don’t plan on leaving until every last hasher is nice and wet.

On-On,
Everything Butt Sex

P.S. Join us for an on after and help us not remember a bunch of decisions we’ll regret the next day. It’s our birthday!

P.S.S. Next week’s theme is Christmas in July. TidyBowlMan, Bumbletard,  and Just Aaron wants everyone to bring a gift for that White Elephant game, or whatever it is ya’ll call it.

Theme: Happy Birthday! Birthday suit or bathing suit.
Hares: Lick A Lotta Cock (Virgin Lay), BabyFacial (Virgin Lay) and Everything Butt Sex
Start: Lakeshore Dr.
Time: 6:30 show / 7:00pm GO!

Bring $1, a six pack, a flashlight, and a whistle. If you’re a putz and don’t bring beer then why are you even coming? If you don’t bring beer, then you pay $10 and you GET NO BEER!

Tags: Babyfacial, Birthday, Everything Butt Sex, happy birthday, Lakefront, Lick A Lotta Cock

You’ve been Iced, Baby

Tags: Birthday, cake, certified R.U.N., Dickie Wongstockings, Hash Trash, One Eyed Jackoff, shitty circle, snowballs, Textical Teaser, TWOT, Uptown

#146 – Ice Ice Baby

Yo, Vanilla, this week’s Voodoo is a celebration of all things icy, frozen and nippley. So, in order to recognize this weekends Tour De Liqueur, we will be looking for some uptown things to do to beat the summatime heat that you know is coming on Saturday. Goals include, ice cold beer drankin’, air conditioned drankin’, poolside drankin’, shade tree drankin’, summatime treats drankin’, sprinkler drankin’, and hares sitting on bags of ice… drankin’!

Theme: Summertime tour de ice!
Hares: Textical Teaser (Virgin Lay) and Dickie Wong
Start:Camp at Felicity, under the shade trees
Time: 6:30 show / 7:00pm GO!
Pre-Pre-Lube 4ish: dickies pool, 1901 Prytania at St Mary. call me/get my # from somebody

Pre-Lube 5ish: halfmoon

Bring $1, a six pack, a flashlight, and a whistle. If you’re a putz and don’t bring beer then why are you even coming? If you don’t bring beer, then you pay $10 and you GET NO BEER!

On On from dickie wong!

Tags: Dickie Wongstockings, ice, Ice Ice Baby, summatime, Textical Teaser, Uptown

Hash Trash – Virgins in the Park.

Virgins, Virgins, who’s got the virgins? Virgins hashers, virgins hare. Seven virgins came to this week’s trail and 8 Lays a week popped her cherry laying flour. She might not be a badass cougar, laying flour and going down down, like a pro just yet. At least she isn’t scared and timid anymore, or complains about how much it hurts.

As for the hash virgins, one couldn’t handle it, and quit before anyone finished, a second virgin came late. One of the needle dick virgins managed to cut a hole in the slip n slide at beer near. The others fucked through mud, like champions, without protection for about 3 miles. Seriously, I can’t believe no one called me out for not making sure the virgins had proper boots for what they were about to endure. The trail ran through shitty park. Hashers were running into each other, and were lost in the woods until they found the jello shots hidden, on trail, on one of the few hills in New Orleans.

With all the cherry popping going on last night, I’d like to remind everyone of the Voodoo Song Book. If you want more songs, feel free to use the Googles.

Next week’s run is going to be uptown, hared by Veteran DickieWong Stockings, and virgin hare Texticle Teaser! Get your asses out there!

Finally a special shout out goes out to Bumbletard, who managed to get his car stuck in the mud, and A Little Prick for opening a tab at Parlay’s after the On-In.

On-On,
Everything Butt Sex.

High above the virgin’s garter
High above her knee
Lies the secret of her honorHer virginityRoll her over, oh so softlyGently in the grass.This is what we live and die for,Piece of virgin ass.

So drink it down, down, down . . .

WE’VE GOT VIRGINS
Melody – Frere Jacques

We’ve got virgins,
We’ve got virgins,
At our hash,
At our hash,
Gonna get’em drunked up,
Gonna get’em fucked up,
Down the hatch,
Up the ass,

So drink it down, down, down . . .

Tags: 8 Lays a Week, Everything Butt Sex, Hash Trash, shitty park, virgins

#145 – Summer Fling

mmmm……Smells like summer. Time for sun, beer and good sex with someone you know won’t be there for you when football season starts next month. This week’s run is going to be hot, wet, and short. What can you expect from 8 Lays a week and Everything Butt Sex? They’re making a loose promise to leave you with a smile on your face and have your ass pretty sore in the morning. Get your asses out to Lakeview, you bunch of wankers, because this week’s shitty trail is going to be so good you’ll look back at it in your future wishing you still get fucked that way on a regular basis.

Theme: Summer Fling. Beach attire.. Leave the cell phone at home!!!
Hares: 8 Lays a week (Virgin Lay) and Everything Butt Sex
Start: 870 Harrison Avenue New Orleans, LA 70124-3157 (Parlay’s)
Time: 6:30 show / 7:00pm GO!
Pre-Lube: Parlay’s
On-After: Parlay’s

Bring $1, a six pack, a flashlight, and a whistle. If you’re a putz and don’t bring beer then why are you even coming? If you don’t bring beer, then you pay $10 and you GET NO BEER!

On On,
Everything Butt Sex

Tags: 8 Lays a Week, Everything Butt Sex, Lakeview, parlay's, summer, summer fling

#144 – Luck of the draw

Get your loaded dice and marked deck of cards out you group of wankers. Even if you have to lie, cheat, and steal, there is no reason for you to leave this hash without getting a little lucky!!!!

This week’s run has us meeting up at Blain Kern’s Mardi Gras world in the Warehouse district. You know the place. It’s where that Poseidon Statue is raping that giant gator pass door J at the end of the convention center.

Theme: Gambling, luck of the draw

Hares: UnderCummer (Virgin Lay?) & Hobo Rodeo
Start: Henderson St. & 1400 Tchoupitoulas New Orleans, LA 70130
Time: 6:30 show / 7:00pm GO!

Bring $1, a six pack, a flashlight, and a whistle. If you’re a putz and don’t bring beer then why are you even coming? If you don’t bring beer, then you pay $10 and you GET NO BEER!

On On,

Everything Butt Sex

Tags: Blain Kern, Everything Butt Sex, Gambling, Hobo Rodeo, Luck of the Draw, Mardi Gras World, UnderCummer, Warehouse District

#143 – Video Games

Get your cheat codes out you fat lazy bastard. We’re going Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right A B Select Start on your ass. Break away from your World of Warcraft Lan parties you bunch of wankers. We’re going to be running through the nerd filled dorm rooms of UNO for Game Ovaries’ virgin lay. Hopefully we can find a harrierette near a tit check instead of a princess behind some fire breathing dinosaur inside of the wrong fucking castle.

Theme: Video Games
Hares: Game Ovaries & TidyBowlMan
Start: 6325 Elysian Fields Avenue, New Orleans, LA 70122-4235
Time: 6:30 show / 7:00pm GO!

Bring $1, a six pack, a flashlight, and a whistle. If you’re a putz and don’t bring beer then why are you even coming? If you don’t bring beer, then you pay $10 and you GET NO BEER!

Tags: Everything Butt Sex, Game Ovaries, lan, TidyBowlMan, UNO, Video Games, virgin

#142 – Who’s your daddy?

“Cum inside of me!” sounded so good at the moment, didn’t it? After this next hash you might be the next person on one of those Maury Povich shows. Broke Back Dyke and T.W.O.T. are celebrating the most confusing day in the ghetto father’s day by giving all the daddies (or lack of?) uptown a good run for their money. So get your asses out there, and remember that condoms are cheaper than child support.

As a special treat, it’s BBD’s birthday. Remember, all you bastard hashers, when one hare drinks, all hares drink! If you wankers do your job right, those two will be so drunk at the end of circle, they’ll pass out before T.W.O.T. gets to scream “Fuck me daddy!” right after giving some birthday head. Head! Who said head?

Theme: Who’s your daddy?
Hares: T.W.O.T. and Broke Back Dyke
Start: Coliseum St & Polymnia St New Orleans, LA 70130
Time: 6:30 show / 7:00pm GO!
Pre-lube: Avenue Pub

Bring $1, a six pack, a flashlight, and a whistle. If you’re a putz and don’t bring beer then why are you even coming? If you don’t bring beer, then you pay $10 and you GET NO BEER!

Tags: Birthday, Broke Back dyke, child support, fuck me daddy, T.W.O.T, Uptown

#140 – Let’s Get Off! and see the wizard!

Happy Birthday, Fuck you Dorothy Gale! Oh wait, ding dong, the wicked bitch is dead. Maybe I should tell her my name is Jack. In honor of Judy Garland’s birthday, this week’s theme is Wizard of Oz. Tidy, TWOT and Chum Dumpster can show up as midgets. Get ready to show off your flying monkey ass, also known as a westbank ass, out to Elizabeth’s in the Bywater. We need costumes so slutty that they will make your 16 year old daughter look like a Saint on Halloween. Bring beer not water, and watch out for houses being flooded instead of falling on you. It’s Just Sarah’s virgin lay and Chicken Pot Guy hasn’t laid shit in years so it’s just about guaranteed to be a shitty trail with not one fucking yellow brick.

On-On,
Everything Butt Sex

Theme: Wizard of Oz.
Hares: Just Sarah (Virgin Lay) and Chicken Pot Guy (Rusty Lay)
Start: 601 Gallier Street, New Orleans, LA‎
Time: 6:30 show / 7:00pm GO!
Pre-lube: ???

Bring $1, a six pack, a flashlight, and a whistle. If you’re a putz and don’t bring beer then why are you even coming? If you don’t bring beer, then you pay $10 and you GET NO BEER!

Tags: 16 year old daughter, bywater, chicken pot guy, Chum Dumpster, elizabeth's, Everything Butt Sex, Just Sarah, midgets, TidyBowlMan, TWOT, wizard of oz